you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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