The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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