the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
