When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dick very happy bro
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
