kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
