On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
