i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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