Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
