We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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