I think im going to throw up on grandma
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I fill condoms, not promises.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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