were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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