he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
