operation harelip BJ is a go
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Is it penis luge time yet?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
