no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
did you just send me my own nude
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
