his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
