Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and she was petting her beer can
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
