Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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