We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
