is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
