My girlfriend figured out who you are.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
