Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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