He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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