from now on my penis is your penis
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
