So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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