I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
