is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
