I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
