The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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