Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
