I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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