Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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