I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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