As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
