I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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