You're my little dorito
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
