Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
