I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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