we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
