Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
