Pappa wants mamma naked
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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