he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
