I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
