I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
