Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I cockslap morals
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
