Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i now understand why vodka
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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