What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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