I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
