Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
