Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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