I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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