Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
