That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
