What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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