dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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